Thankful Thursday--Girlhood Lessons

I realize that at times in the past I have become frustrated with my daughter (my first) because I just didn’t get what was causing her misbehavior, but I am not so frustrated when I recognize what is happening, and, in this case, that it is the start of some growing pains coming on. I am thankful that I was able to identify/relate to her feelings in a positive manner recently; addressing and bringing to light some issues now, while she is just beginning a new phase in development where peer relationships become more important in her life.
Jess and I have been having some good, spontaneous discussions about friendships, etc., where I’ve been able to bring Biblical wisdom in. They’ve been exciting times for me as I see her confidence building and she is grasping the concepts. Anyway, the whole thing comes down to feelings of insecurity (some that I recognize I’ve even had a part in creating), wanting to be liked, and… mostly jealousy. Although these are normal girl feelings she is having, these are not positive feelings and so they should be addressed ever so gently and wisely.
She had been feeling left out, or not special, at her cousin’s birthday party, as sharing her cousin’s attention was something she’s not used to having to do. In talking with her, she recognized that the other girls were nice to her and that they all got along well together, but she still had hurt feelings. She could see how next time she would feel better because she understands Morgan really doesn’t have a favorite friend, but can like everyone a lot as they are each unique and fun in their own way. And Jess also recognized that Morgan hadn’t done anything wrong or meant to be hurtful, but saw that it was something inside her making her feel bad about Morgan playing with the other girls—I identified that for her—I said it’s called jealousy and it’s a sin—Satan was playing another dirty little trick on one of God’s special girls. We discussed how we should try not to let Satan get a ‘foothold’—that saying hurtful or untruthful things to Morgan was not right, but just shows others the jealousy. Phew, one down…next issue…
So, now that we’ve talked about these things—how Morgan loves her, and although she has other friends that she sees at school more often, no one could replace her special cousin, Jessica—that if Morgan made her feel left out at the party at any point it was more because she probably loves Jess like a sister they are so close. I think this helped her to understand things better, and I explained to her it is normal to feel these feelings—that she is maybe going to be more sensitive in relationships like her mother (hope not) but that God has a special plan for her the way He made her, and He made her with a special purpose in mind. I gave her some confidence building telling her how proud I am of who she is, and we talked about how she has always had lots of friends because many kids are attracted to her out-going, bubbly personality—that she needs to remember who she is in Christ and try not to be concerned with what people think—and that even though it may not seem like it to her, she is interesting, beautiful, popular, fun, has her own nice toys, etc. She doesn’t need anything else to make her great other than to not let sin in, to learn to obey God more and more each day, and to do her best at all she does.
Jessica also told me that one of the other girls at the party wanted to talk to Jessica alone, and so they did. And she went on to tell me that she felt really bad for Hannah because Hannah told Jessica not to feel bad because she was the one who had a hard life—and she told Jess about how hard it was to have her dad and mom divorced and have to visit her dad, etc. Jessica told me that she realized she is so lucky and shouldn’t be feeling bad for herself but for Hannah! I told her that was true and that she should remember to keep praying for Hannah and her hard life. Doesn’t that whole story just touch your heart? What a sweet girl to try to help Jessica feel better, and I am thankful for the lesson it taught her.
Other situations have prompted important conversations on the topic of friendship to add—
People will always let you down at one time or another because people are only human, but God will never let you down.
We need to forgive friends who have let us down, and not let it continue to bother us.
We should use what has happened as a tool to know what a good friend should NOT do to others because it is hurtful.
We need to evaluate our friends’ character, and learn what type of people make good friends that help to build us up.
What character traits make a good friend?—(kindness, loyalty, trust, compassion, respect, responsibility, etc.)
We should notice how our friends treat other kids, as well as how they treat their own friends. Someone who is kind to everyone would make the best friend.
We should make wise choices in deciding who to spend the majority of our time with.

“Thank you, Lord, for helping me to see into the heart of my child, and for giving me wisdom and insight to bring forth in training one of your special children. I pray that she would find healthy, positive friendships that build her confidence and capacity to love others, and that You, Lord, would place a godly Christian influence into her life at key times in her life to help her continue on the path that leads to life. I thank you for saving her by Your grace, and that she will live one day in heaven with all of us, and in Your Presence. But now, I pray she will continue to build her faith and live by that faith more and more each year. As she turns 8 years old tomorrow, Lord, please strengthen her heart, guide her, and teach her to live for You. Thank you for making me Jessica’s mother, for giving me such a special daughter to raise for You, and help Jac and I to do this job Your way. Continue to guide me, and help me to build a solid relationship with her so that she will be able to come to me for help in any situation, but that she will turn to You for help most of all. AMEN.”